1.
I was driving down the road and i got a phone call saying that i'd just got promoted and a swerved my car. Then 5 minutes later, i got another phone call saying that i'd just been promoted again, and i swerved again. Then 10 minutes later, i got a phone call saying, i'd just been promoted to general manager and i swerved of the road and hit a tree head on.

When the police asked me later what had happen, i said, i careered of the road........

2.
Do you know if Jane Seymour married Willy Carson, would she seymour willy

3.
Did you know, that Claudia Schifer married Brains from Thunderbirds and know she's called, Claudia schiferbrains......

4.
This big Grizzly Bear walked into a bar and said, can i have a bottle of..............................................................Budweiser please.
and the barman said, why the big pause......

5.
Q. Why did the Mexican throw his wife of the cliff,
A. Tequilla.

6.
A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system. ''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then make love to that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle. A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

7.
George Bush, Tony Blair and Saddam Hussain are given one wish each by an Arabian genie.
George Bush says ", My family has been in farming for ten generations; I wish for all American land to be fertile."
POOF he gets his wish.

Saddam Hussain says ", I love the land I live in and I don't want any horrors to enter, I wish for a wall to be built around Irac. "POOF he gets his wish.

Tony Blair says ", tell me more about this wall."
The Genie says - "Well, it is 5 feet thick, 4,000 feet high and inpenetrable."
Blair then replies "Fill it with water."
POOF he gets his wish

8.
Magician Adie worked on the Titanic for one night only. During the show, the parrot on the captains shoulder started shouting "Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" Adie was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then all of a sudden the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Adie found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and
another. Adie was cold, hungry and wet, and thought, i could eat that parrot. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?".